10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT HORROR FILMS
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10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT HORROR FILMS

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Added by Admin in Horror
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So this took SO LONG to record & edit... a lot of the work consisted of cleaning up "blood" though :P That scene in the bathroom... rrrg! All over the ceiling.

Anyway, here is the ORIGINAL SCRIPT (some things changed while editing/recording):

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT HORROR FILMS

1. Cheap scares using sound effects.
*phone* I know what you're doing Rod Danger.
*phone* I know everything abo...
*BOOM*
*out pops dad from the corner*
Dad: Hey Rod do...
Rod: AHHHHHHH!!!!

2. Impractical weapons used by villains.
*show villain looking through options*
(1) Little Knife.
(2) Katana.
(3) Handgun.
*grabs tiny knife*
Villain: AH HA!!!

3. Idiot main characters.
*rod runs into the room and falls down*
*sees gun*
*grabs gun*
*villain approaches*
Rod: YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY COUSIN.
*show rod cocking gun and lifting it*
*show villain*
*show Rod shooting himself because the gun is backwards*
* villain stops*
*shrugs*
*unzips pants*

4. Villains are often granted a level of immortality no matter how stupid & undeserving they are.
*show villain trip and fall*
*show him get back up with knife in his head*
*show him scream*
*pull it out with blood on it*
*show him start to walk in an evil fashion again*
*falls again*

5. Lame twists at the end.
Rod: Please don't kill me! I don't want to die!
Villain: Oh Rod, I'm not going to kill you.
Rod: ...what?
Villain: I won't kill you, because I love you.
Rod: ...WHAT!?
Villain: *takes off mask* It's me Rod...
Rod: *show Rod's Reaction*
Villain: It's me! CHIBI DERF!!! HA HA HA!!!
Rod: Are you ****ing serious?

6. Huge plot holes/convenient logic dodging.
Rod: So I tried to call the cops but the line was disconnected, so 20 minutes later he killed my whole family & I was powerless to stop him.
Cop: Did you try using your cell phone.
Rod: No.
Cop: Did you try using the neighbors phone?
Rod: No.
Cop: Did you try screaming out your window for help.
Rod: No.
Cop: Did you try activating the alarm in your house?
Rod: No.
Cop: Did you try activating the smoke alarms.
Rod: Why would I do that?
Cop: They're directly connected to your alarm, and the fire department would of notified us of the suspicious behavior upon arrival.
Rod: Oh, no.
Cop: So you just hid in the closet while your family got murdered & did nothing to help them.
Rod: Yep.
Cop: Ok.

7. Villains take forever to kill their victims.
Dad: *running in fear*
Villain: *chasing with knife*
Dad: *running in fear*
Villain: *chasing with knife*
Dad: *gets tired* Ok! I give up... just kill me.
Villain: ...what?
Dad: *rips shirt open* Just... make it quick... stab me in the stomach.
Villain: Actually that would make you die slow and painful.
Dad: What are you a gynecologist? STAB ME!
Villain: But I can't...
Dad: Why?
Villain: We still have 15 minutes left in this chase scene.
Dad: If you're gonna kill me just kill me.
Villain: Actually you get away.
Dad: I get away?
Villain: Yeah, it allows the writers to continue the suspense.
Dad: ...**** it.
*pulls out gun and shoots himself in the head*

8. Way too often is there some pointless love story.
White: You know, now that I'm dying, I can finally confess that I love you.
Rod: I know, you've told me that like... every day for the last 10 years.
White: *laughs* Oh yeah... we have a long history together don't we?
Rod: Yeah, that's because we're ****ing cousins.
White: But... that's all Taboo stuff.
Rod: No, incest is disgusting.
White: Or hot... depending on how you look at it.
Rod: Can you just die already?
White: Ok dead. *dies*
Rod: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

9. Incredibly predictable considering the main character almost never dies.
*show title to movie* "SLASH SLASH DEAD, THE MOVIE"
Rod: * narration* My name is Rod Danger.
Rod: Ever since I starting living here my life has turned upside down.
Rod: But I feel like the journey has just begun.
Rod: Everywhere I go...
*villain walks in with handgun*
Rod: *gasp*
*villain fires*
*blood on wall*
THE END

10. The villain always comes back in some form for poorly done sequels.
Rod: *narrator* Ever since my whole family was killed, I figured something out.
Rod: *narrator* The man who murdered my family has never tried to kill me in the shower.
Rod: *narrator* So every day I shower for at least 3 hours to keep him resting in peace*
*boom*
*villain is standing there in the shower with rod*
*rod screams insanely*
*MOVIE TITLE* "SLASH SLASH DEAD 2, THE SHOWERING"


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